Homophobia:
The loss of a loved one is a profound and life-altering experience. When my mother passed away, I was left grappling with grief so deep it felt like a physical wound. But another unexpected blow compounded the pain of her loss – the abandonment and homophobia I experienced from people I thought cared for me.
It was clear after my mother’s passing that my mother’s position in her church created conditions of people merely tolerating me, her unorthodox daughter, married to a woman.
My mother was my rock, my confidante, and my biggest supporter. She was the one person who accepted me unconditionally, even when I came out as lesbian. Her passing left a void in my life that seemed impossible to fill. But what I didn’t anticipate was the additional pain that would come from the reactions of those around me.
In the wake of my mother’s death, I expected comfort, long-lasting support, and understanding from my friends, her friends, and family. Instead, I was met with cold shoulders, judgmental whispers, and blatant homophobia. People I had known for years, people I thought I could rely on, suddenly distanced themselves from me. It felt like a double loss – not only had I lost my mother, but I had also lost the support system I thought I had.
The abandonment was a harsh blow, but the homophobia was even more painful. I was already dealing with the grief of losing my mother, and now I had to face the harsh reality of people’s prejudice and ignorance. It was a stark reminder that despite the progress we’ve made, homophobia is still very much alive and can rear its ugly head when you least expect it.
But amidst the pain and betrayal, I found strength within myself. I realized that I could not control other people’s actions or beliefs, but I could control how I responded to them. I chose to stand tall to honor my mother’s memory by living authentically and unapologetically. I decided to surround myself with people who accepted and loved me for who I am. I embarked on building a new community.
I also sought professional help to navigate my grief and the feelings of abandonment. Therapy provided a safe space for me to express my emotions and helped me develop coping strategies. It was a crucial part of my healing process.
This experience taught me a lot about resilience, self-love, and the importance of a chosen family. It reminded me that it’s okay to cut ties with people who don’t respect or support you. It showed me that it’s possible to find love and acceptance, even in the face of adversity.
In conclusion, the loss of my mother and the subsequent abandonment and homophobia I experienced was a painful journey. But it was also a journey of self-discovery and growth. It taught me to stand up for myself, to seek help when needed, and to cherish the people who genuinely care for me. It was a stark reminder that even in the darkest times, there is always a glimmer of hope, a chance for growth, and an opportunity for love and acceptance.
Kinyatta E. Gray is the founder of The Heart of Miss Bee, Inc., a non-profit organization that helps women understand grief and how to cope with grief through tools such as journaling.
Leave a Reply